Long Overdue

I have a few friends who have traveled this Big C road. And I checked their blogs every day. I counted on their updates and was so glad they kept me in the loop with them. So please accept my apologies for being so slow around here. Especially since it's really all good news these days. For a change.

First bit of good news, which I realize is old news to many of you.

Remember this machine?

It is the PET/CT scan machine, and by far, the easiest of all tests. Here is a link to a more complete description of what it does: PET scan. Essentially, though, after they take some of my blood, they mix it with radioactive isotopes, re-inject it, and then scan my whole body to see if they find any cancer baddies anywhere. I had this test done right before we went to Disneyland.

On the day of the test, I re-discovered my old friend Anxiety. And his best friend Panic. The scan is easy; the waiting is hard. I convinced myself that the cancer had spread and grown, and I was overcome with distress all afternoon. I called my doctor at least four times, begging for the results, "even if it's very bad news."

When she finally called at 5:30, I burst into tears when she told me that they couldn't see any cancer baddies anywhere ... not in my breast, lymph nodes, or anywhere else.

See? I have bad days. People often wonder at my positivity and optimism, and about 90 percent of the time, it's that good for me. I feel great. But that day was a bad day. I didn't even want to write about it for a while because it brought back those yucky feelings.

Next up: surgery. I probably mentioned that my doctor recommended a mastectomy of my left breast because there were two tumors there, plus the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. However, I opted to remove that one, plus the girl on the right, so that I wouldn't need to have constant tests, worry, and frequent visits to Huntsman. Having a bilateral mastectomy would reduce my chances of a breast cancer recurrence by 90%. So I went for it. Part of the reason for that decision was that my grandmother had breast cancer, too, in one breast (which she had removed), and two years later, it showed up in her other breast (forgive me if I've mentioned that before). I am not particularly interested in going through this again if I can help it.

Now, for more talk of breasts and their size and so forth. At the time of my mastectomy (two and a half weeks ago now), they placed "expanders." Those are sort of like empty implants, which they filled with a little saline at the time of surgery. Then, every few weeks, they'll add a little more saline, until they're all filled up to the size I like. That's when I'll have my final surgery, when they'll replace those babies with real implants.

Right now, I have what I call "Frankenboobs." It feels like I had a funky breast reduction. They don't look terrific. But soon, my doctor assures me, I will have "Barbieboobs." These are perky and nipple-free, just like Barbie's. They can tattoo on a nipple if I'd like. But really -- who needs 'em?

And now, because you have endured all this talk of surgery, nipples, and breasts, I will share the best news of all.

After surgery, the pathology department conducts a complete analysis of all the breast tissue and lymph nodes that were removed during surgery. And guess what, people? There was no cancer anywhere. This is huge. You would think we weren't completely surprised because of the PET scan, but really, you never know for sure until the pathology report comes back. I'd like to say this: I am officially cancer-free. They told me that only about 10 percent of people have such a complete response to chemotherapy, so I feel extremely blessed and grateful.

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, positive energy sent my way, brownies, cards, e-mails, cookies, and other outpourings of support. I strongly believe that you helped my treatment to be so successful.

Now, I will continue to heal from surgery, and I'll start radiation in March. I'll also continue to have Herceptin every three weeks for a year.

I promise I'll try to post more often now, and soon, I'll even post a picture of me and my crew cut. It's not that cute. But at least it's hair.